discovering bonnie

On finally going to Italy—and finding something I didn’t expect

For 26 years, Italy existed in my mind as something distant but certain—something I would get to eventually. Not planned, not scheduled… just quietly waiting for the right time.

When the opportunity finally came, it wasn’t without hesitation. I debated whether to do the sensible thing—to save, to invest, to wait a little longer.

But I went anyway.

And then, somehow, I was there.

In some ways, I think it was the fact that my youngest son was studying abroad in Spain that made me realize I had the ‘permission’ I thought I needed. And once I allowed myself to go, being there was something else entirely.

What I expected wasn’t entirely clear—just a sense that it would feel significant. But the reality was more layered than that. Beautiful, yes—but also unfamiliar, a little disorienting at times, and different in ways I couldn’t have anticipated after all those years.

What I didn’t expect was how much of the experience would have nothing to do with Italy itself.

It was navigating international airports, train stations, and bus routes with no prior experience—in a country where I didn’t speak the language. Making decisions on my own, without hesitation, because there was no one else to defer to.

At first, it felt uncertain and overwhelminig. And then, almost without noticing, it didn’t.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped second-guessing myself. I trusted my instincts. I figured things out. I adapted. I moved through it—not perfectly, but confidently.

And that shift stayed with me.

What I didn’t expect was this: having also spent time in Spain, I found myself more drawn to its beauty and energy than I had imagined. It wasn’t what I anticipated, and for a moment I almost questioned it—like I was supposed to feel differently.

But that’s the thing about finally experiencing something for yourself. You don’t owe your expectations anything.

Italy may have been the destination I carried with me for years. But it wasn’t the whole story.

Somewhere between the flights, train and bus schedules, unfamiliar streets, and quiet moments of figuring things out on my own, I began to realize I was more capable than I had given myself credit for.

And maybe that’s what I had been searching for all along.