I’ve spent most of my adult life believing someone else would complete me, provide security, chasing the feeling of being protected, cared for and deeply loved. I longed for it. I waited for it. Maybe even forced it. I suppose I had a storybook image in my mind—waiting for Prince Charming to come along and finally make everything feel secure. 

When those things didn’t show up in the version I’d imagined – I began to understand my life is mine to direct – like it or not.

I learned very early to survive. I made choices—some wise, some not. I wanted something I hadn’t had: to be cared for, protected, loved. And in pursuing that, I gradually became comfortable letting someone else make decisions because I thought it felt safe. It took years to recognize what I had traded away. 

Relying on someone else led me down a long road of learning to regain confidence in myself. Making decisions on my own and being responsible for them, good or bad, went from terrifying to empowering. Finding security and solace on my own has become comforting. Seeking and finding answers to the hard questions is building confidence. Reconnecting to who I was, including all the flaws and mistakes, is liberating. I am rediscovering my fierceness.

I’ll admit there are days where I want to stay under the covers and hide – and that’s ok. I give myself permission to hide, or conquer. 

For years I looked outside of myself for security and validation.

But now I understand…

I am The White Knight.